My favorite quotes

Here are sayings and lines from shows and songs that kind of fit in with my world view.
I'm not sure on the origins of most of these. Some are just ones I or friends of mine thought up.
OK yeah some of these are rather dark or unPC. But that why your here right? ;-)
Hum, this is turning into more of a favorite (mostly punch) lines page.

If at first you don't succeed, try again.
If that does not work try a bigger hammer.

If it's not broke, don't fix it.
Just improve it till it does not work anymore.

What god wants, god gets. God help us all. - Amused to Death album by Roger Waters

Everyone is an idiot part of the time. -Scott Adams

Stupidity is the one crime for which the universal punishment is death.

Those that won't think, have no advantage over those who can't.

If you take life seriously it will treat you the same way.

Arsenic and Hemlock are all natural too. Who ever said nature was safe?

For city folk visiting the country:
If it isn't mowed nice, best think twice.

It`s not a question of if your paranoid, it`s if you are paranoid enough. - Movie:Strange Days

Homeland security, it`s not just for terrorists any more.

Never throw anything out your car window you would not throw out the front door of your house.

Texas, it IS a whole other country.

This morning on the NASDAQ, we are looking for jacks or better to open.

Never trust a snake with courage.

Make all women telepathic, because if they suddenly found out about the kind of stuff that goes on in our heads they would kill us [men] all on the spot.-Coupling: The Girl With Two Breasts (Jeff talking about how aliens could take over the Earth.)

If your a woman and you don't understand men, chances are you are thinking too hard. - Louis Ramey

From Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

Time is an illusion. Lunch time doublely so.

Drink up the worlds about to end.

Always know where your towel is.

This must be a Thursday. I never could get the hang of Thursdays.

The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't.

This is obviously some strange usage of the word safe I was previously unaware of.

What's so unpleasant about be drunk? Ask a glass of water.

Science has achieved some wonderful things of course but I'd much rather be happy than right any day.
And are you?
No, that's were it all falls down of course.

R is a velocity measure that is defined as a reasonable speed of travel consistent with health, well being and not being more than say 5 minutes late.... R17 is not a fixed velocity but is obviously far to fast.

Every major galactic civilization passes through 3 distinct and recognizable phases. Survival, inquiry and sophistication. Otherwise know as the how, why and where phases. For instance the first phase is characterized be the question "How can we eat?" The second by "Why do we eat?" And the third by the question "Where shall we have lunch?"

From The Restaurant at the End of the Universe by Douglas Adams

There is a theory that if anyone ever discovers what the universe is for and why it is here it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory that this has already happened.

Have a nice diurnal anomaly.

The term future perfect has been abandoned since it has turned out not to be.

I'm a pretty dangerous dude.
Yeah you go to pieces so fast people get hit by the shrapnel.

Adventure and really wild things!

"None", said Ford.
Zaphod jibbered, "Did you count them?"
"Twice", said Ford.

To summarize the summary, anyone capable of getting themselves made president should on no account be allowed to the job. To summarize the summary of the summary, people are a problem.

You are very strange.
"No I'm very ordinary", said Arthur, "But some very strange things have happened to me.

From Life, the Universe and Everthing by Douglas Adams

I have been listening but I'm not sure it's helped.

An S.E.P is something we can't see or don't see or our brain won't let us see because we think it's somebody else's problem.

Strange but true. Or at least I think it's strange and I'm assured it's true.

What are you doing?
Do you always breath like that when you are thinking?
I did not think I was breathing.
That's what worried me!

Arthur told the computer the phone number of King's Cross railway station passenger inquiries on the grounds that it must have some function and this might turn out to be it.

Most of the good bits where about frogs.

From So Long and Thanks For All the Fish by Douglas Adams

This problem is, or one of the problems, for there are many, the size and proportion of which are continually clogging up the civil, commercial and criminal courts in all areas of the galaxy and especially, where possible, the more corrupt ones, this. The previous sentence is not the problem, this is. Change. Read it through again and you'll get it.

It seemed to me, said Wonko, that any civilization that had so far lost it's head to need to include a set of detailed instructions in a packet of tooth picks was no longer a civilization in which I could live and stay sane.

It is very easy to blind to the essential uselessness of them [products] by the sense achievement you get by getting them to work at all. Or in other words, And this is the rock solid principal by which the whole of corporation's galaxy wide success was founded, their fundamental design flaws are completely hidden by their superficial design flaws.

They all got the vote so they more less assume the government they have voted in is the government they want.

Because if they did not vote for a lizard the wrong lizard might get in.

There was a point to this story but it has temporary escaped the chroniclers mind.

From Mostly Harmless by Douglas Adams

Anything that happens, happens.
Anything that in happening causes something else to happen, causes something else to happen.
Anything that in happening causes itself to happen again, happens again.
It does not necessarily do it on chronological order though.

Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception bad news.

Hence the "IdentaEase", this encoded every bit of information about you, your body and your life into one machine readable card that could then be carried around in your wallet. And there fore represented technologies greatest triumph to date over both itself as well as plain common sense.

If you are reading this on the planet Earth then: A) good luck to you there is an awful lot of stuff you don't know anything about but you are not alone in this. It's just that in your case the consequences of not knowing any of this stuff are particularly terrible...

You can not see what I see because you see what you see. You can not know what I know because you know what you know. What I see and what I know can not be added to what you see and what you know because they are not of the same kind. Neither can it replace what you see and what you know because that would be to replace you yourself.

Protect me from knowing what I don't need to know.
Protect me from even knowing there at things to know that I don't know.
Protect me from knowing that I decided not to know about the things I decided not to know about. Amen

Lord, Lord, Lord, protect me from the consequences of the above prayer. Amen. And that's it. Most of the trouble people get into is from missing out that last part.

Thin air, as all experienced galactic travelers know, is in fact thick with interdimensional complexities.

A common mistake people make when trying to design things to be completely fool proof is to under estimate the ingenuity of complete fools.

The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that can not possibly go wrong is that when a thing that can not possibly go wrong, goes wrong it turns out to be impossible to get at or repair.

Life will be a very great deal less weird without you.

There were about three other customers in the place, sitting at tables nursing beers. About three. Some people would say there were exactly three but it wasn't that kind of a place. not the kind of place where you felt comfortable being specific in.

From Soul Survivor by Dean Koontz

After all a society with such an enlightened tolerance of corruption and savagery needed to bare down hard on minor offences to convince itself that it still had standards.

The days of common trust and sense were for far in America's past that they seem to be not merely ancient history but to be part of the history of another country altogether.

Ignorance is a bliss that some people will kill for.

From Fear Nothing by Dean Koontz

Because some of our most defining qualities as a species are inattention to detail, A tendency to panic and an inability to keep our mouths shut.

The end of the world as we know is not necessarily the same as the end of the world.

Reality is what you make it.

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